I don't have a life right now...
So why don't I make one up?
Lol yeah I'm considering taking up drawing and writing fiction again. Maybe even sewing a cute little dress or two. I'm tired of all these girls. I think I need to get out of Dallas.

>.<

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you

I remember cigarettes and a cold breeze.
I remember love and friendship.
I remember freedom.

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I remember this song in a mixed CD
and the life I destroyed.
Yeah, that's what I did, with my own two hands I took all the dreams my parents had for me and shattered them. Not once, not twice - but countless times. And I will not regret it. I will not look back. Because all I have now are memories where you are not there nor you or you, but he is, and he's her now, and though I cannot stand to be used by him - he was there. With the cigarettes. With the chilly wind and hot coffees. With this song playing in the background.

By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I walk alone, I walk alone
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
I walk alone, I walk alone
about you now

But that's the past - beautiful memories - and we move forward. I found a new angel. One who was forged not of HellFire but of that fire that forges mighty swords and awesome shields. One who truly loves me for more than ideals or broken pieces. I look in the mirror these days and love who I am. I do not pretend to be more and try to be less. I am happy.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

But you do not see that.
You do not want to see that.
You want to see the same little girl who needed to be told right from wrong.
I never needed to be told right from wrong.
I just always chose wrong.

Isn't that right?

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

You look into my eyes and say you can't accept my angel. Then how can you accept me? She is now a part of me - my soulmate, my other half. More than the kindred spirits of the past, more than you want to see.

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you

I want a cigarette. I quit for the most part but the cold air and the warm coffee always craves a cigarrette.

And the smoke circles high and with it all thoughts of you - all memories of you.

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
And know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I don't know if our paths will ever cross again.

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
I walk alone, I walk alone
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do

Maybe you should have been more open-minded, more accepting. That's why he's here and you're not.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Yeah, I don't know how, but I will not be weak against you anymore.

'Til then I walk alone


* * * * * * * * * * * * *
I posted this on MySpace. It's for the girl who WAS my best friend. And her husband who WAS my big brother figure. I think they thought they had to always take care of me and the things I did. And they thought they had to approve of anyone I was going with. It's almost been 2 years - 1.5 without their approval. They ruined it. I love her too much. I don't care who was hurt because in the end, I was hurt too.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Oh, man! I can't believe V-Day is this Thursday... teehee! Well, we're doing something Friday. I got her favorite chocolates and some corny champagne glasses with little hearts on them - but she likes me being corny! I'm also planning roses, balloons, and a massage... followed by a couple rounds of sex. DUH!

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Please Check Out My Company:
PikaPirate Studios

....
But this is were you fall,
thrown out into our world.
You let me taste the fire
and we burned the little girl.

Heaven never wanted you,
Angel of Light, reborn.
Fall into my arms, dear one –
Broken, Burned and Torn.
Take away my innocence.
Make me breathe your air.
And when we fall into the fire,
tell me you still care.
...

Mood: Thinking ... Sleepy
Listening to: Dashboard Confessionals Playlist

From my poem "+ Ballasd of the Fallen Angel +"

Not sure if I should move out or not... but I feel like a hypocrite. I tell others about believing in themselves and making choices and facing the positives and the negatives and trusting themselves and having faith ...
Yet I can't leave this cozy little nest of a home - can't leave my parents' wing.
I talk to thers about flying free and the gretest thing you got is teh ability to think on your own and express it and be free ...
Yet I can't fly - I can't find my own wings. So scared... so nervous... To even express myself to my parents...

Am I a hypocrite?

But my fallen Angel of Light ... My Lucifer .. my rebellion and my revolution ... he wants what?
My Freedom?
My Destruction?

Those who say they love me and have known me for so long say the latter of the two - he will cause my destruction, my downfall.

Yet in my foolish heart, I feel ...
I know...
He wants my freedom, my happiness.

After all, he says he like to see me smile.

Oyasumi nasai...